Carey Nieuwhof

Grieving MJ - or something else?

Today's service for Michael Jackson was fascinating for so many reasons.  

More people seem to have been moved by Jackson since he died than when he was alive.  So what's the deal?  

But it's not just MJ.  It seems like we have a growing need to acknowledge public passages more than ever before.  Think Princess Diana. Even think Pierre Trudeau.  Sometimes the emotion surrounding a death are greater than the emotion surrounding the life we are celebrating.  

What's going on?  Why is that?  Why do we seem to be grieving more openly, more publicly and more profoundly?  Is it just me, or is the reaction to select deaths far greater than it ought to be?  Not that we shouldn't grieve Michael Jackson (he was an incredibly gifted artist).  It's just that this seems to me to be way out of proportion to how we felt about him when he was alive.

A few thoughts:

• Although God gets moved more and more to the sidelines of most people's lives, our desire to worship - the human need to worship - doesn't go away.  If we're not worshipping God, we'll create gods.  Happened then.  Is this just what it looks like now?

• A pastor I respect said that in his view, one of the biggest phenomenons of life today is that people accumulate ungrieved losses.  Life is so fast, we often ignore small losses and big losses. We lose a contract, but rather than pay attention to our feelings, we just stuff them and move on.  A distant aunt dies, we pause for a minute, but our day moves on.  We lose a job.  Lose a friend, but we keep moving.  Do events like this arrest our attention and cause disproportionate emotional responses because essentially, we're not grieving Michael nearly as much as we're grieving all the other losses that have accumulated over the months and years? I love how in the Old Testament, whenever someone died, life ground to a halt.  People mourned.  They grieved losses - whenever they occured. They went to God and each other with daily hurt.  They were emotionally and spiritually so much healthier than we are.  Over the last few years, I've tried to notice the losses in my life and process them when they happen - pray them through, sometimes shed a tear - grieve them.  It feels so much healtheir than stuffing it.  It also means when Michael Jackson dies, I'm really only feeling his loss, not a thousand other losses in my life - they've been processed before God.  And I actually wasn't that much of a fan - notwithstanding his giftedness.   

  Why are we grieving Michael Jackson so deeply?  What do you think?

Wanna Get Your Copy of Hip 2B Holy?

Many of you have asked how you can get a copy of Global TV's Hip 2 B Holy, a documentary that heavily profiled our ministry at Connexus and several other Ontario churches.

The cost is $30 CDN ($28 USD) + GST (6%) and PST (8%) for a total of $34.20 CDN.  Send your requests to:

90th Parallel Productions Ltd
203 Gerrard St. E.
Toronto, Ont  M5A 2E7
Phone: (416) 364-9090
Fax: (416) 364-0580
E-mail:  [email protected]
www.90thparallel.ca

They'll send you a DVD. 

Thanks to our friends at thinkyouthministry.ca for the info.

Call Us Crazy, Please

Last night I was on a groups tour (we're visiting our community groups just to connect with folks and talk about life at Connexus). The tour's been great!

At one of the groups I was at last night, I caught a comment in passing that I loved.  One guy was telling me he was talking to friends about being a part of Connexus, and his friend said to him - "Connexus - you guys go to Connexus? Man, Connexus is crazy!"

To me, that's one of the highest compliments anyone can pay our ministry.

Our culture needs more out of the box, crazy, over the top people willing to risk something for the Kingdom.  Current Christianity is so sanitized that if any biblical figure jumped out of the scripture into most churches, we'd run them out of town.  The Bible is less Christian book store figurine and more like a crazy man who needs a shower.

One of the things I've been thinking about as 2009 rolls in is that we need to do more crazy things for the Kingdom - take risks no one else is taking so we can reach people no one else is reaching. We've got one idea rolling around right now to engage the unchurched that's bound to draw a ton of criticism from people if we actually pull the trigger. I say bring it on. (Stay tuned for details).

Is crazy a part of your spiritual journey?  Are you taking enough risks in your leadership for people to call you crazy?  Truthfully, not sure I am right now, but in 09 I definitely want to change that.

You Can Legally Apologize Now

It is now legal to apologize in the Province of Ontario. 

It's not that it was illegal to apologize before, it's just that most people didn't when the matter was serious for fear of their apology being used against them in a law suit. 

So the government actually passed allow saying you can apologize and it can't be held against you in court. It's a fascinating study in human nature.  To read about the bill, click here and download the Bill 108 apology.  (Sorry it's a PDF...there aren't great online summaries of this. But at least I can apologize for the PDF without fear of a lawsuit.)

The principle in our lives is the same - often we don't want to apologize because of fear. Which is weird for Christ-followers in light of the cross and in light of how forgiven we really are.

Anyone you feel you need to apologize to today?  Just wanted to let you know, because it's now more than legal. :0)

Ted Rogers and Tenacity

Ted Rogers died this morning.  Don't know whether you know who Ted Rogers is, but he was a major Canadian business and media mogul - dominating wireless communications, cable, sports (owned the Blue Jays), broadcasting, and so much more in Canada. 

His legacy is a mixed one for sure, but I am intrigued by guys like Ted Rogers.  Why? 

Tenacity. Determination. Resolve. Purposefulness. Endurance. Stamina. Doggedness.

As this short bio points out, Rogers was never one to call it quits.  He was making risky business moves when he was well into his 50s, 60s and even 70s. Many people kept saying he was going to fail, and he came close many times.  But that never stopped him.  He just kept going, defying the critics, and - many would say - proved them wrong.

When you look at how much skill, determination and raw energy he poured into business, it makes me wonder where that kind of drive is in the Kingdom of God.

I know we're a people of grace.  A people who believe in God's power...but where are the tenacious, grace-reliant, odds defying spiritual entrepreneurs of this day?  Why aren't there more? 

When I read passages like this from Paul, Jesus or this from Daniel, I realize that the the scripture is filled with that raw combination of God's grace and people's radical devotion to building a different reality.

What can we learn from guys like Paul, Daniel and even a guy like Ted Rogers?  What are we missing?

Balancing Three Passions

How's your balance lately?  Mine has been a bit off.  I've put in extra hours the last few weeks and have felt more pressured than normal.  It's a blip, but it's got me noticing some things.

When I work too much:

• I laugh less
• I cram devotions into smaller spaces
• I am less charitable in my mood
• I'm actually less productive

As I was thinking through this in the last few weeks, I was reflecting on a talk I heard recently from Doris Kearns Goodwin.  She's a presidential biographer and was reflecting on a lesson she learned early on in life.  The lives lived best involve a passionate pursuit in three spheres: work, love and play. 

She contrasts Abraham Lincoln's life with Lyndon Johnson's.  Lincoln worked ambitiously, loved deeply and played hard.  Even in the midst of the civil war, he went to the theater about 100 nights each year.  Johnson, on the other hand, focused mostly on work.  And in his senior years realized he had lost deep relational connections with his family and had lost passion for anything recreational.  He died bitter and heartbroken.   You should hear the talk.

As much as we admire biblical heroes, I wonder if I mistakenly think they are heroes because they were all "work" all the time. That's not true.  David loved music and the arts.  Jesus apparently loved to celebrate and even go to parties (few people ever talk about this).  Both deeply pursued meaningful friendships and relationships. Maybe God's definition of a full life is bigger than mine.

Life needs to be a balanced, passionate pursuit.  I know my tendency is to want to work. 

What do you think of the three spheres Doris mentions?  Do you agree?  I find when that's true in my life, I'm at my best.  What do you think?

Do I Worship a False God...?

So I have this suspicion that keeps sneaking up on me.  I don't like it but I just can't keep dismissing the thought. It haunts me to the point that I think it might be true.  True of me.  Maybe true of others.

I have a feeling many of us who call ourselves Jesus followers worship a God who actually doesn't exit.

The issue is not my orthodoxy.  I believe God is real and the Bible is deadly accurate.  Here's what I fear: the version of God myself and others engage most days is off the mark.  Off center.  Not actually who He is.  Not the God the Bible actually reveals.

You ever get the feeling that the "version" of Jesus you have settled for or that someone pushed on you is not the real deal?  When you read the Bible, ever get confronted by surprises that just don't fit the concept of God you've carried in your mind?  Do you ever wonder if any of us worships the real Jesus?

In the next week or so, I want to explore this possibility with you.

Let's get this rolling....anyone else haunted by this possibility?

Sticky Church

Church leaders like me are particularly prone to believing that certain things make people keep coming back to a church after they start attending. 

I'm tempted to believe that relevance alone can do it.  Or that being cool or cutting edge can do it.  Or that having great music or great preaching or great kids ministry or great production or great coffee or great facilities or great parking or great toilets (kidding, but I guess you can't have bad toilets) will make a church irresistible.   And to one extent or another, all of those matter.

But the video game your 12 year old thought was totally cool 16 months ago is on the garage sale pile for next weekend.  Cool doesn't last.  Good restaurants have better toilets than most churches (and granite countertops too).  Someone pointed out that far and away churches in North America have the best communicators.  Listened to any politician other than Barak Obama speak?  Most preachers can do better than our Prime Minister or any leader of the opposition.

iTunes has better music than most churches (although I love our worship team and Andy Walker!!!).  Your iPod can tune you into the best communicators in North America or the globe for free each week. 

What makes people stick in churches?  Relationships.

Authentic relationships with God. Authentic relationships with people.  That's why our kids ministry is built not on class rooms, but on groups.  That's why we are going to try even harder to connect their parents this fall.  That's why we do little things: like at both campuses last month moving coffee from a into more optimal places in the foyer so people could linger longer and connect better.  And big things....like Group Link. It's why we're nutso passionate about getting people into groups (Group Link @ Connexus is September 21st) - so they can grow in their relationship with Jesus and each other.  Not so they can be part of an institution, but so that their relationship with Christ and relationship with people can grow.

This is big on my mind this weekend, not just for us but for all churches.  Many of us in this part of the country/continent expect lots of people to come back to church and come out to church for the first time this weekend.

So we'll keep cleaning toilets and preaching as best we can and knocking music out of the park as often as we can and brewing better coffee. But above all, we want to set our priority on growing our relationships with God and each other. If we set that in our hearts this weekend, I wonder what will happen?

What's your experience of trying to connect at church (ours or others), and what encourages you to form meaningful relationships?

Imagine What Might Happen to Families....

I don't want to clog up the Connexus blog with all kinds of extra thoughts, so I thought I'd share a bit more here.  If you want to know what's happening this week at Connexus, check this out and follow updates here.  We're fasting and praying over the things that break the heart of God this week.

Ten of us gathered to pray this morning at a high school in Barrie.  Wondered whether we'd fill the hour.  Had no trouble with that.  And subjectively, I think I began to feel more of God's heart for families.  Barrie and area has just over 170,000 people in it.  Of those, here are the demographics for under 24s:

• 11,070 college aged people 20-24
• 12,960 high school aged teens
• 26,235 elementary aged kids
• 10,830 preschoolers

I started to imagine what would happen if those numbers were written on the back of every volunteer's name badge in our family ministry environments.  We might be caring for a dozen or two children in Waumba Land each Sunday, and  we would congratulate ourselves for sure if we reached 150 kids in Waumba Land.  But what if each Sunday we realized that there were 10,830 preschooler in our community and most don't go to church (only 8% do)?

Would our hearts start to break more each Sunday if we realized that there are over 26,000 elementary aged kids in Barrie? Almost 13,000 high school kids?  11,000 college kids?  Those numbers are starting to grip me....  In Orillia, there are over 9,000 people aged 24 and under.  The math again becomes overwhelming.

What about their families?  What about their parents?  What's going on in those homes?

I feel like we barely have our toe in the pond on reaching families...but then we worship a God who breaks rules and walks on water. 

What would motivate us better to care for families in our communities better? Today, I'm praying God would bust my heart over this stuff more than its ever been busted.

THIS is Great Leadership

A sad and significant story has been breaking over the last week in Ontario, my home province.  Contaminated prepared meats from a major Toronto company have caused a listeria outbreak that has killed 12 people and caused others to fall ill.  All the tainted product can be traced to a single company in Toronto, Maple Leaf Foods.

In chatting about it with Toni casually yesterday, I said I wouldn't be surprised if this was the end of Maple Leaf Foods.  They have been around for 100 years and are a major brand, but I was not sure they could recover from a problem this big.  Not only are they being sued in several class action suits, but I'm not sure consumers would ever trust the brand again.

This afternoon, I abruptly changed my mind.  The President of Maple Leaf Foods, Michael McCain, held a press conference and did something radical.  He didn't blame the government.  He didn't point fingers.  He didn't make excuses.  He didn't just apologize.

He assumed full responsibility for the situation.  He unapologetically said the buck stopped with him and his company.  They were to blame.  Check out what he said:

While this is the most unfortunate of events possible, I absolutely do not believe that this is a failure of the Canadian food safety system or the regulators.

Certainly knowing that there is a desire to assign blame, I want to reiterate that the buck stops right here.

So I emphasize this is our accountability ... and it's ours to fix, which we are taking on fully. We have and will continue to improve on our action plans and I'd like to give you an update on those plans as of this moment.

He then went on to articulate their action plan, including all they knew and didn't know as of today.  (If you want the full text of his comments, click here.)

I first heard about this in the car today on the radio, and I wanted to cheer.  In an age where few have the courage to stand up and accept blame and responsibility, Michael McCain did it. 

And an ironic thing happened: it made me want to buy Maple Leaf Food products.  It made want to trust his leadership.

When things go south, as they inevitably do at some point for all of us, the temptation is to sugar coat, ignore, blame, waffle, avoid or fail to admit what really happened.  The irony is the very thing we think will help us will actually hurt us.  And the very thing we are most afraid of - admitting the truth and accepting full responsibility - will ironically inspire confidence in others.

I say Kudos to McCain and Maple Leaf Foods.  How do you react to this?  How does this make you feel?  What personal lessons do you see in this?