Refuel (6)

Shift Six: Never Quit God

When you are down,it's easy to quit.  That's just true of anything. That's how people go off diets, quit exercising, walk out on life partners, leave careers and more.  Repeat that pattern often and soon you have a life that not even you consider great anymore, as much as those decisions may have felt logical in the moment.

The same inclination happens spiritually.  When you are down, it's easy to give up on God.  When I hit the worst stretch of my life so far two years ago, my spiritual "emotion" dried up.  Praying and reading the Bible felt vapid and empty. Now I was used to periods of time where things would go dry, but I always experienced a pretty rapid bounce back.

When I hit a wall in 2006, the bounce backs were very short lived and very sporadic.  It didn't feel like the lights grew dim; at times, it felt like they went out.  It got to the point where long stretches of time would pass where I didn't feel God at all.  My head started playing serious games with me, and I would say I was more tempted than ever before to imagine the whole God thing being bogus.  I had never really quit God before, but I was very tempted to quit him then.

But what I am so grateful for is that I didn't quit.  As meaningless as the scripture felt some days, I still read them.  As empty as my prayers felt, I kept praying.  I thought about all the alternatives and came to the conclusion (reluctantly some days) that no matter how I felt, I just couldn't quit God. 

And after months of what felt like a spiritual blackout (summer 2006) and another year of brown outs with occasional power surges (2007), a slow, steady and beautiful joy returned in 2008.  The remarkable thing: I changed nothing.  I kept praying and kept reading the bible throughout, but for whatever reason, the feelings in the journey returned.  Some of the most intimate times I've had with God in my life have come in the last six months.

I can't emphasize this enough: I didn't change anything really.  I just persevered.  I didn't quit.  I don't know why I didn't, but I didn't.  As much as I can't claim credit for it, I am so grateful I kept going.

It leaves me wondering how many people have quit God during brown outs or black outs.  It left me wondering after a month or two or a year of drought, how many folks have just given up.

If that's you...let me encourage you as friends encouraged me: the joy will come back.  The sun will rise again.  Don't quit.  If you need to go through the motions, go through the motions.  God is good, even when you can't feel it.

What's your experience of this?  Stories?  Questions?  Agree?  Disagree? I'd love to learn more.

Comments

[Sarebeth! (from Alberta!)]

Hey Carey! This was really encouraging. Sometimes it feels like nothing in life is working and the easiest thing to do is to just give up! Im glad im not the only one who has experienced that.
Missin the Ontario sunshine, there was a bit of snow here today! and that makes me want to give up and come home. But i wont :) however I Cant wait to be home! See you guys soon!
sare

[Laurie]

I can really relate to those desert times. The things that percolate through your mind and bend your thoughts are scary.Those thoughts had me thinking God was science fiction! The greatest growth time for me was when you were struggling. So even as you were weighed down by doubts, He was still working through you. Thanks for hanging in! I remember you showing me a scripture then that "In Him there is no darkness." God's faithfulness is our strength.

[Nancy MacLachlan]

Carey I really appreciate your candidness and honesty about this. I remember your message about God being in the cafe, waiting at the table for me to show up. I have kept that image and it helps me remember to check in at the cafe. Somedays it feels like "what's the point ... things haven't changed... I don't have anything to say"... but 'going to the cafe anyway either through prayer, reading my bible, or sitting silently,, in the dark in the cafe' does help. Good thing is, the sign never says "gone for lunch, back later" or "closed" and knowing that makes all the difference.

[Stephanie]

I can really relate to the desert times but I don't really agree with the "don't quit" mandate. I think that is too much of a rote mannerism, if that makes sense, and that the dry times should be respected and felt in all their pain and loneliness. I think that going through the motions can block out both beauty and pain and make us possibly feel we somehow earned the grace that was extended to us.

[Carey Nieuwhof]

Hi Stephanie...thanks for the perspective. I appreciate what you are saying. I certainly felt the pain and loneliness when I was going through the motions, but I am glad I didn't let the feelings be my final word. I wonder if many people get stuck in the pain, give up on God, and let that be the final word.

Appreciate what you are saying though about people actually feeling what they are going through. Thanks.