Everybody Welcome?

So in our part of the country, school starts tomorrow and church "starts" next weekend.  Effectively what that means is thousands of people will try church for the first time in Central Ontario this month. 

There's a lot at stake.  Can you imagine the courage it takes to walk into a church for the first time in years, or decades?  Can you imagine the internal angst some face as they wonder whether to risk going into a strange place full of people they mostly don't know (or trust) to explore a God they're not sure is there?  I feel that every time someone new steps into Connexus. And we can blow that first encounter before we know it if we're not careful.

Over the last month I've had enough poor customer service experiences to reflect back on what we can do better in church to welcome a guest.  First impressions count.  And I know church attenders are not "customers", but in reality, there are some similarities. Here are some ways I'd love to be treated as a guest.

• It's not about your needs, but my needs.  Two days ago I walked into a shoe store and the only two employees were so deeply engrossed in conversation I thought I'd never be able to get a question in.  Sometimes Christians are so engaged with each other that they forget to engage new people.
• Anticipate what I want.  Body language 101 can tell you whether a guest has a simple question, wants a warm welcome, or simply wants to find out where her two year old goes.  Determine early on what kind of information/experience the guest is seeking and meet that need. No less, nor more.
• Be warm.  Some guests don't want chit chat.  Some do.  But in either case, a smile and an authentic openness can go a long way to making a guest see that they've hooked up with quality people.
• Take me there.  Don't point to Aisle 16 "somewhere near the back".  Take me there. Show me.  If I've asked, it's because I really want to find what I'm looking for.  I almost pointed someone to Xtreme yesterday, but instead, I corrected myself mid stream and walked them to the entrance.  Much better.
• Take an interest in my story. The best service people always engage people with basic questions "Where are you from?  How did you hear about us?"  They can surf off those questions to take a genuine interest in the guest's story.

Churches tend to either smother people or be cold and anonymous, but if we can hit even a few of the notes above, I wonder how many more people might decide their first experience of church was a great one.

What do you think?  What are your stories?  What's the worst that has happened to you?  The best?  What principles do you think we should follow/avoid when interacting with people?

Comments

[Chris from Canada]

And if you don't like the service you can always just walk out without paying, right?? :)

[Carey Nieuwhof]

Right! It would have been interesting to be in jail together this week. Glad we paid!

[Shawn Smith]

This is huge. It's unfortunate but finding a church that genuinely cares about people is rare. A church that has the ability to show new people that it cares about them is even more rare.

In the last two years I relocated my family from one city in Ontario to another for a job. Shortly after the move we began to look for a new church, a search that would end up taking well over a year.

At many churches someone would greet you at the door, and that would be the only person to speak to you all morning. Others were very excited that you were there but couldn't answer basic questions like "where do the preschoolers go?". When we did find a church that we seemed to have some spiritual connection with there appeared to be no easy open doors to get involved. It was very frustrating.

It's a really neat thing to walk into a church for the first time and get the sense that the people there are glad you are there - like it improved their experience because you showed up.

[Linda]

Back in April, I went to church for the first time ever. Yes, I was incredibly nervous, and had no idea what to expect. I am thankful for my friend that invited me to go was there (greeting me with a huge, beautiful smile!). And to be honest, I don't know if I would have found the courage to go, had it not been for my friend, even though I've always had questions about God. Never attending church before, it's a really scary experience, that is hard to explain. Even now, I'm still nervous to enter the doors and still feel out of place. But obviously something (someone?) keeps drawing me back.

[Carey Nieuwhof]

Hi Linda. Thanks first of all for taking the step of coming for the first time and for continuing to come back. I'm really hoping you see God's deep love for you as you explore Him and the church.

Interesting that you still feel out of place. Any idea what drives that? What we/the church might do better? I'd love to learn....

[Laurie]

I spoke to two "new" people this weekend. Both had heard Carey on the radio for some time. Both seemed excited that the impression they had before coming was what they experienced on Sunday.Both introduced themselves by first name and I made a point to say their names back to them. I was as excited as they were. i will continue to watch for them. Please speak to someone you don't know. Even asking, " have you come here before?" opens a door to conversation.

[Linda]

I've been trying to think how I can explain why I still feel a bit out of place going to church. I understand that people who have attended church on and off all their lives wouldn't (couldn't) understand what it's like for someone who has never been. So here's the best way I can explain it. You get invited to a party with friend. You don't know the host of the party, but your friend has a close, personal relationship with him, and they said everyone is welcome. So you go, not knowing what to expect, and not knowing the host. What you find is amazing, welcoming people, a great environment to meet new people that is not intimidating and info about how to meet the host. However, you still haven't met the host of the party. That makes you feel a bit uncomfortable, because you're still not sure what he's like. So the next week, the same host has a party, and you go back. Week after week this happens. But you still haven't really, truly met the host. Yet, everyone else at the party has such an amazing and loving relationship with him. You would love to have the same relationship, but are still unsure how to meet him.
I know this all sounds pretty crazy, but it's the best way I could think to explain it. I have had a great experience going to church, but it is the relationship with God that I'm still not sure about, and that makes me feel a bit out of place. I'm really not sure there is anything that you, as the church, could do differently. Listening to your sermons is one of the things that keep drawing me back. You deal with real life issues, which are important to me and my family. I think Group Link sounds like a great way to get people together, but I truly don't think I'm ready to get in a community group. How could I make that commitment when I'm not even sure I believe yet? Maybe if there was a space for people to meet, who are on a spiritual journey, and not quite ready for the commitment of a community group.
Hopefully this helps explain it from the point of view of one first time visitor.

[Carey Nieuwhof]

Hey Linda...Thank you so much for making me (and others) think deeply about how we can better help you in this journey. I've opened up the conversation in my post today. I am tempted to talk about how a relationship with Jesus is like meeting the host, but I'd love to hear from the wider community on this.

I hope we get some good ideas, and THANK YOU for staying engaged in the journey. I promise you it's worth it. The host is so kind.

[Dave Mc]

Linda specifically asks for Starting Point(or something similar)
At the end of her posting:
"Maybe if there was a space for people to meet, who are on a spiritual journey, and not quite ready for the commitment of a community group...."

Wow.
How do we respond as her only church community?

[Carey Nieuwhof]

Dave...that's a great question.

[3livingstones]

Maybe this is totally the wrong thing to say but personally I would love to have a seeker like Linda in my small group. Even if she couldn't be there all the time I think that the questions she'd ask when she could come would stir me to think more deeply. I love how people who weren't brought up in the church (like I was) bring such a fresh perspective to conversations.

Even though I gave my heart to the Lord when I was a kid and have been involved in Bible believing churches ever since, I too sometimes wonder if I really know the "host" of the party. My experience at small group helps me to see that I'm not the only one who has questions and struggles with some of the tenets and teachings of Christianity. God uses these people to teach me, guide me and challenge me. I think that helps me to get to know the "host" better. I love that I can be totally honest in my group and not have to gush how wonderful Jesus is all the time. He is wonderful but sometimes I'm just not seeing it or experiencing it. I think it's important for seekers and newcomers to realize that even long-term Christians are still in formation. That may not be so evident at church where everyone is sort of expected to put on their church face and talk Christianese. In my opinion, it's beneficial to everyone to have a small group that is sort of a mixed bag (i.e. different ages, different spiritual backgrounds, different real-life struggles, etc.) How can Christians ever help people like Linda if we never really get to know them and let them get to know us, warts and problems and all? I hope that we're not communicating that being in a small group is about having arrived at a certain point in the Christian journey or that somehow you have to be ready for it. Being in a small group is just about honestly being yourself right where you are at. It's about bringing your questions to the table and seeking with others to find the answers. It's about being patient with each other, understanding, supportive and doing what we can to help others out. I've seen Christ most clearly in the lives of other Christians in the context of something as open and relaxed as a small group.

I don't know much except what I've experienced. Linda, if you're reading this, I would encourage you to at least give a small group a try. Be totally honest about where you are at and be yourself. If you're like me, you just might find that you're getting to know the host there.

[Linda]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the amazing thoughts, suggestions and encouragement between this post and the other one. I never thought my comments would stir such conversation, and I am thrilled. Thanks so much for listening!! My story and journey is definitely continuing, and hey...who doesn't love a party, let alone the possibility of eventually meeting the host.

[Carey Nieuwhof]

Gosh Linda, I wrote my thank you to you on the wrong comment section on my own blog. :0)

Hey - thank you for opening up the hearts and mind of many church leaders. We've had hundreds of hits on these posts in the last 48 hours from church leaders across North America. It's ironic that the 'host' you are getting to know is already at work in and through you. He's better than most of us give Him credit for.

Looking forward to all that is ahead on your/our journey.