Carey Nieuwhof

How to Be Less Selfish

I've blogged recently about margin, but want to expand that thought.

Margin is all about making space in your life.  It's overcoming the hyper-busy, hyper-extended life that I naturally drift (as do so many of us).  It's about doing less for more, creating margin in our time, our finances and much more.  Andy Stanley is like a dog on a bone about margin, and last week he let something slip in passing that stuck with me because it resonated so deeply.

This is what he said:  "I am at my most selfish when I have the least margin, and I am at my most generous when I have the most margin in my life."  Bingo.  That nailed it for me.

Connexus has been programmed around margin. We just don't do much except Sunday worship, groups, and great family ministry.  I love leading that church.  I have more time for relationships.  More time to interact with lots of people who don't go to church.  Just more time. Period.

Last night I was hanging around the house with NOTHING on the agenda.  A Connexus staffer dropped by with her kids, and we chatted in the back yard for about an hour watching the kids bounce on the trampoline.  She's been on our team for almost five years, and I said to her - Three years ago, I couldn't have done this.  I didn't have the margin in my life that I have now to just sit down for an hour and shoot the breeze.

Thinking back, I always wanted to be generous in previous years, but running at 600 miles an hour with my hair on fire meant every conversation was rushed, every interruption seemed like an imposition, and every demand seemed burdensome. 

The less I do, the more time I have for others, and the more effective I become at what I do.  I love being home at night (most nights now) and letting life "happen" rather than having to schedule family moments.  I am way more generous toward my family, toward my friends, toward life.

Even financially, when we have no margin, we tend to be less generous.  Margin creates the conditions for real generosity.

On April 27th and May 4th here at Connexus, my friend Rich Birch just gave a couple of great messages about margin in his dejunkification series.  Check them out.  I think they might help us all think through this stuff.

In the meantime, what do you think -- are you at your most selfish when you have the least margin? 

Leadership on Fire

So Andy Stanley went a little crazy during the last session of Drive, dumped his planned talk and spoke almost off the cuff (this isn't terribly typical for Andy, who writes his messages three weeks ahead of time).  Man, I'm so glad he did.  Did he bring it. 

Some quotes:

• If we are going to reach people on one else is reaching, we must do things no one else is doing. Andy borrowed this from Craig Groeschel, but man did it resonate.

• Focus on the people you want to reach, not the people you want to keep.  Here, Andy was quoting his long time friend and associate Reggie Joiner, whose heart for the family and for a prodigal generation is enormous. If church leaders could get this, we'd be living in a different reality.

• When your memories exceed your dreams, the end is near.  What else do you need to say? Church life sometimes feels like its 90% nostalgia, not 90% vision.

• The next generation product almost never comes from the previous generation.  You can fight the next generation of leaders, or you can fund them.

Hey Connexus - Andy's talk made me so proud to be your pastor.  You are BOLD. 

This journey has only started.  So many of you have sacrificed so much for the next generation.  Meeting where we meet, doing what we do, radically building into other peoples' lives, welcoming people like tattoo artists with open arms. Using the culture to reach the culture.  Praying like crazy.  I love being on this team.  Keep it comin'.

606,079: A Number You Need to Understand

So Drive started tonight. Wonderful to see real live Connexus people again (our road trip crew made it safely!) Also great opening session with Andy Stanley.  But here's what grabbed me as much as anything today.

I had the opportunity to be at the North Point staff meeting before Drive and all staff got a conference lanyard with this number on it: 606,079.  So what's the deal? Here it is: that number represents every person affiliated with a church that has leaders at Drive.  In other words, what we learn together as a community in these next three days can influence over half a million people globally when we get back to our churches.  Mix that in with Orange last week and the total skyrockets way past one million lives.

The great leadership team at North Point and Orange realize that great leaders multiply their influence.  The leaders here do it by investing heavily in other leader who in turn impact cities and countries all over.

Who are you building into? Not just hanging with, but mentoring, growing, stretching?  Believe it or not, if you step forward willing to be used by God, He might use you to influence dozens, hundreds, maybe even thousands over your life -- all for good, all for God. Three years into this relationship with the leaders and Orange and North Point, I can't tell you how deeply their love, wisdom, intelligence and kindness has influenced me, and consequently in some way, over 1100 people who we've already influenced in our first six months at Connexus.

So - keep the story going.  Build into someone.  Multiply your influence.

P.S. Speaking at Drive tomorrow morning and afternoon.  I'd be so grateful if you would pray for God to use that time powerfully.

Pray Globally, Act Locally and Globally

I'm in Atlanta for a few mores days. Tomorrow, almost 2500 more leaders gather for Drive at North Point Community Church.  That's after 3700 leaders gathered last week for Orange.  I am humbled and amazed by how many American (and global) church leaders are tracking what's happening at Connexus back home.  Hundreds of people have told me they're tracked us, been on line to listen in and more.  So many said they are praying for us.  Amazing. I don't even bring it up.  They just tell me.  Connexus, I wish you were here to witness those conversations.

I checked the stats on our Connexus website the other day and was a bit shocked at what I saw using Google Analytics. Adjusted to accommodate the size of our countries, twice as many Americans per capita visit Connexus online as Canadians. Isn't it amazing to know we are being cheered on and lifted up in prayer by people who might never visit us (although so many indicate they want to make the trip!).

This week, leaders from many countries will gather at Drive. Last week, I spent time with church leaders from South Africa and met other leaders from New Zealand and leaders who work in Africa and elsewhere.

So here's what I'm asking you to do this week.  Can you pray for countries?  Pray for those where sharing faith is harder. Please do pray for Canada, that God would ignite a huge movement that would see millions more discover what a growing relationship with Jesus means. Also pray for our friends in Africa (I had three emails this week alone from Connexus people investing in mission in Africa), for our friends all over the world who are persevering in the name of Jesus under intense circumstances.

We are all part of something so much bigger than ourselves.  God is showing up all over the planet, and we are being cheered on and prayed for by people all over the place.  Let's return the favour.

The Great Reversal (A Canadian At Buckhead)

Okay, I saw the weirdest thing today for a Canadian boy on the road.  Remember, I come from a country where 85% of people don't go to church and the other 15% lie (okay, well, I still don't believe 15% actually go to church).

Toni and I went to Buckhead Church this morning (awesome service!!), which is in the Buckhead neighbourhood of uptown Atlanta.  I saw the most disorienting thing.  The line up of cars to get into the Buckhead parking lot went on for a block, which was cool.  I've seen that kind of thing before at North Point,  Willow Creek, Kensington and other great ministries I've been to on Sundays (a few times over the years it even happened in our neighbourhood).  But Buckhead is not a suburban church on 100 acres of land.  It's urban. There are other buildings and shopping malls and stores all around it.

As Toni and left Buckhead church this morning, here's what killed me -- the rest of the streets were empty.  The mall parking lots were empty (even though the stores were open).  The MAIN thing happening Sunday morning was that people were gathering to worship God in a relevant environment - and they were inviting their friends.   (Buckhead has  ton of people who didn't used to go to church.)

I dream of that day in my country.  Malls empty.  Churches full. People being sucked out of the malls and beaches (and hockey rinks) to experience the life change that only Jesus brings.  God, bring it on!

Energy Boost

"I'm so bored of little gods
    While standing on the edge of something large."

                - David Crowder

So Toni and I are leaving tonight to go to Atlanta for a couple of weeks.  So it's that crazy "work twice as hard before you go and work twice as hard when you get back to make up for being away" kind of deal.

I woke up exhausted today. My temptation was to run into the office at 6:30 a.m. and just plow through all the writing I need to do for Connexus before I leave (some key documents and oh, yeah, that preaching stuff that's going to ROCK in May). But I took some time with my one year Bible and took some time to pray.  Then I jumped on the treadmill and ran for 30 minutes, iPod on and David Crowder loud.  At first, I thought "there's no way I can run for half an hour".  But the end, my pulse was racing, I increased my top run speed and I felt great.  Fantastic.

Martin Luther said it well hundreds of years ago when he said "I have so much to do today I can't imagine not praying for 3 hours before my day begins."  I wasn't at the three hour mark today (or most days, honestly), but he's so onto the right stuff.  God gives you energy.  Incredible energy.  And since I'm sure Martin Luther chopped wood or something and I mostly eat chop suey, the treadmill thing is more necessary in my life than in his.

God gives me energy (incredible energy).  Fitness gives me energy (admittedly this is very new in my life).  And people give me energy. I get particularly energized by volunteers who are on-mission and living it out and leaders in general who are sold out to the cause of Christ.

I'm excited to be able to share some talks this year at the Orange and Drive Conferences in Atlanta.  The leadership community that gathers for those events is nothing short of dynamite.  I would appreciate your prayers for Toni and I as we head out, for our Connexus team here (great things are lined up for the next two weekends here at home -- don't miss them!!) and for those from Connexus heading down, for all the speakers at the events and for the leaders who will gather. I'll blog the happenings. In the meantime, I continue to pray this:  God, move.

Link Love (2) -- The Churches I Track With

Leaders and leading churches are such an encouragement.  At least they encourage me. 

Solomon was right, there really is nothing new under the sun.  Every time I think that I had an original idea, I just need to tap into the wider community and realize someone else has had it too, and probably expressed it better. That should never stop anyone from thinking bold thoughts and declaring them with courage, but being part of a much wider community is humbling and reassuring.  Hey, doesn't the Bible say something about all wisdom being from God anyway or something like that?

Here are some of churches and church leaders that I track with and who encourage and teach me:

• North Point Community Church has had a huge influence on me as a leader as has Reggie Joiner's work there and now with Orange and ReThink.  Reggie Joiner doesn't blog (but he facebooks!) Andy Stanley doesn't have his own blog, but he reads them. Both these leaders have had a huge impact on me personally and (no kidding), every time I'm in the room with them, I wish 100 other leaders were there to hear what they have to say. They've processed and prayed through things at an incredible level.  My notebook's always open when I'm around them.  A few years ago Andy and Reggie and Lane Jones wrote The Seven Practices of Effective Ministry.  Best ministry book I ever read to this day.
  

• Buckhead Church in Atlanta is a campus of North Point Ministries.  Jeff Henderson, their lead pastor is an incredible leader and blogs the journey daily.  One of the best leaders of people I've ever met.

• I also track closely with a few North Point partners.  Here are some I didn't hit on yesterday. Rich Barrett leads Access Church in Florida. Eddie Johnson (recovering from the chick-fil/video church scandal) is lead at Cumberland Church in Nashville. I also follow what's up with  Wiregrass Church in Dothan, Alabama and Athens Church in Athens Georgia.  Wish Troy Foutain at Wiregrass and Sean Seay at Athens blogged!  Scott Tanskley of strategic partner world (and a brand new dad) blogs at HippoChurch.  Tank is so insightful.  I love the entire crew at NP, but these are the ones I'm in most regular contact with.  And although he just joined facebook last week and doesn't write a blog, make sure you get around David McDaniel, the Director of Campus Development at North Point.  He's so wise and strategic.  It will humble and scare you.
  

• Swerve is the leadership blog of lifechurch.tv, an innovative multi-site church based out of Oklahoma.  Craig Groeschel is a great leader.  Even had the chance to have lunch with him and his wife Amy couple of years ago.  Top quality.

• Gotta love and admire The Meeting House in Toronto.  Not only are they incredibly kingdom-minded (so first class when Rich Birch left their staff to join Connexus), but any church that can reach 4000 on a weekend in Canada and make a huge attempt to help Africa is outstanding.  Tim Day, their lead pastor, and Bruxy Cavey, their first-rate teaching pastor, are continually gracious, strategic and helpful.

• Gotta love that Elevation Church in Charlotte.  Love it or otherwise, it's happening.  Deal with it!

• From the "I'd really love to meet him one day" category is Mark Batterson at National Church in Washington D.C.  Never met him. Like him more after every blog post. 
  

There.  Any more and I'd be writing credits of the liner notes for a CD or an acceptance speech for some show: And I'd also like to thank my wife Toni, my kids Jordan and Sam, and God, and my parents and my grade one teacher who drove the purple Gremlin....

Once again, who inspires you?

Leadership Traps: #7

#7 Believing the Next Big Thing Will Turn it Around

I am a future-oriented leader. If you were to ever look at my strengths-finder profile, and you'll find futuristic as one of my top strengths (for those who care or follow Marcus Buckingham, here are my top five: futuristic, relator, command, strategic and maximizer).

But I've seen a tendency in myself and in other leaders to always believe the "next big thing" will turn an unpleasant present reality around. Like our consumer-obsessed culture, those of us in church leadership can always believe that the "next best thing" will save the day and make anything you might be struggling with go away.  Sure...maybe some big changes are in order and they could help, but I've come to realize how important it also is to name reality as it really is and commit to working through your issues in the context of current reality.

The shadow-side to living in the future is that you don't live in the reality of the present. You actually miss fixing real problems you might be facing today.  The problem may not actually be your model, but how you're implementing it. While we're all "learning" and on a journey, at some point as leaders we need to make a commitment to the best model of ministry we can find or create, and basically give it all we've got. 

So at Connexus, we've accumulated a few years of leadership learnings and we've made a commitment to follow one model of ministry over the indefinite future. It's simply the best we've found, and we're committed to it.  Further, we have no intention of doing any big "model" changes.  As a strategic partner of North Point ministries, we're committed to making a consistent, simple model of church work.  It's a model we deeply believe in (obviously), and a great model well-implemented always trumps the next idea vaguely conceived.

Ironically, by engaging today with full-on attention,  you actually work your way to a better tomorrow in a much more strategic way.

Passionate

How's your passion level for God and for his work lately?  Your level of engagement with this incredible God we serve?

I got back yesterday from Orlando where we did stop one of the Orange Tour hosted by the awesome team at Summit Church in Orlando.  As always, I was inspired by Reggie Joiner's level of passion for family ministry and by the passion of some great North Point leaders who also taught on the tour.  But the other thing that really grabbed me was the level of real engagement I felt from the hundreds of church leaders that gathered for this tour stop.

These are people who took time off work, volunteers who pour hours each week into ministry for kids, students and families, and people who just really care about what happens to other people spiritually.  Man, I love that.

Sometimes we get a bit jaded about church, but then there are moments when we see it for what it is in parts and for what it could be if we all really cared passionately about what happens to people spiritually.  I see that spirit in some great team members at Connexus, and seeing it played out from such a wide variety of church leaders this past week really made me optimistic about the church.

Thanks to the people who gathered over the last few days in Orlando for fueling my spirit. Thanks to the people of Connexus who drove through more snow with smiles on their faces to create relevant environments for others again this morning.  People actually came and brought their friends.  Honestly, we just have no idea how much all this is affecting lives and changing eternities.

Thanks to everyone who gave me hope this past week.  Thanks for your passionate.  Your passion is raising mine to an even higher level.

Catching Up

Got into Orlando Thursday night and had a great connection with the Orange Team.  Man, I love working with Reggie Joiner and a whole team of people who are both so passionate about families and so incredibly strategic about it.  They challenge and sharpen me all the time.

I'm really looking forward to meeting the church leaders who are gathering here for the opening leg of the Orange Tour this weekend. I honestly believe that family ministry is the biggest opportunity to reach people the church has.  Period.  Can't wait to talk about that and learn from so many who are already engaged in leveraging their time as church leaders to help families raise their kids spiritually and morally.  Reggie, thanks for being such a visionary leader and carrying such an important torch!

It was a surprise and a treat to get in tonight and see the post on the Connexus Blog from Jeff Henderson of Buckhead Church in Atlanta wishing us well at Connexus.  Jeff is a leader I have such incredible respect and admiration for (check out his 2008 book list!).  He has so capably led Buckhead church...and his influence has been felt far beyond those walls. Thanks Jeff! 

Tonight, I feel so grateful to be a small part of such a great team back home (miss you guys already) and on the road.  God is so good. 

Gotta go to bed.  Appreciate your prayers and encouragement as we gather Friday and Saturday, and then I fly back home to be ready for more H Bomb on Sunday.