Carey Nieuwhof

Unplugging to Recharge

Earlier tonight, I realized I am totally living in 2008.  I was answering text messages, email, facebook messages, being instant messaged on facebook, checking blog comments and twittering all at the same time. And the weird part is, I don't mind it.  It's just how we communicate right now.

But tomorrow I start some holidays. I'm excited about jetting back to preach Sunday live in at our Orillia campus. But first, we'll drive Saturday to our favourite family vacation spot in Haliburton an hour away, to a lodge we've gone to each summer for over ten years now.  My youngest son Sam calls it his favourite place on earth next to home.  We literally count down the days to this vacation on a whiteboard on our fridge.  The whole family loves it.

One of the things that makes this "resort" we stay at so attractive is that it's a throw back to an earlier time.  No tv.  No radio. No wireless routers. Cell service is okay, but not great. Twitter is a sound that chipmunks make.  Facebook happens when you fall asleep reading and your head drops.  They don't even have regular mail there, let alone email. We're unplugging for a week together, and it's fantastic.

If I have goals for the next week, here they are:

• Recharge deeply with God.  I'm not actually 'tired', but I so want God's energy.  I'm seeking that with a full heart.
• Totally connect with my family.  I've had much more margin in my life since the spring than in a long time, so it's not like I'm going to cram a year's worth of relationship into a week.  But I love these people and I get them for a week, undistracted.  Cool.
• Play cornhole.  I love cornhole.  I hope our friend Neil from Kentucky brings his set again this year.
• Boat alot. Boating is fun and very therapeutic for me. 
• Bike. I'm bringing my bike up for the first time this year. That's great.  Also, it means no one will steal it from my garage this year.  If anyone tries to steal anything this year, I'll send Gary Lamb after them.
• Do nothing.  That's really nice.

I think we were wired both for rest and work, and over the years I've learned that to work best you have to play hard - that's been a slow lesson for me.  So off for a few days of play.

And it means we'll chat again soon on the blog.  I'll be back on-line in a week.

In the meantime, what charges you?

Big, Contentless Void?

So the latest You Tube king is a 14 year old named Fred who has over 45 million views. Robert Scoble and Seth Godin both use Fred to show that in marketing, volume is not king.  Almost nobody will get 45 million viewers.  Nobody.  The problem for them is that Fred isn't making money nor is You Tube. That's not what concerns me.

My observation: Fred has no content.  I mean, he's one part funny, one part entertaining, one part sad (what needs to be true in his life for a 14 year old kid to make endless streams of cynically funny videos?) and one part annoying.  I'd love to meet Fred though...he seems on many levels like a great kid.

It's just weird how you can get 45 million hits with no content.  I mean, Fred really doesn't have anything to say.  There's no message.

And yet those of us who track with a blog like this one believe there is a message that changes the world.  There is ONE who changes the world.  Does He get the kind of attention Fred gets? 

I'm thinking about all the thousands of hours people have spent watching Fred this month.  Nothing wrong with entertainment, but ultimately I want my life to be about something - someONE - who matters.  When I reflect on my own life, how much of my time is spent on things that matter?  I'm going to hit thousands of websites and invest thousands of hours this year on something.  How can I make it better count?

I don't want my life to be about millions of hits that really don't lead anywhere?

How does this make you think about spending your time and energy, especially given the fact that summer is now in full effect?

How A Charcoal BBQ is like Working with God

In the Spirit of Canada Day, here are a few thoughts on my experience in switching from natural gas barbecueing (or grilling, as our USAmerican friends call it) to real charcoal barbecueing.

Maybe there's a lesson about faith in it.

• You can light charcoal naturally. Rather than laying the charcoal out on a grill, dousing it with tons of lighter fluid and throwing a match on it like we used to to do it,or the push start of a gas grill, I use a chimney starter for my charcoal. It's all natural (no lighter fluid).  It cooperates with the forces of nature (air intake, the way flames rise etc) to get the charcoal lit fast.  Analogy: instead of artificially trying to get God moving in my life, it's much better if I cooperate with the way God naturally wants to move. Scripture tells us how God works and what matters to Him. I just need to figure out how and cooperate with Him.

• Charcoal creates a real fire that has a life of its own.  You get real hot spots, and the temperature of the fires can vary from day to day depending on how you build them and what the weather is.  That means it's a much more interactive process than gas grilling.  Analogy: so much of what we try to do in our spiritual life is related to controlling God.  It's way more rewarding to respond to God.

• Grilling with charcoal creates more smoke.  Our friends have had to duck smoke and even move off the deck at times.  Analogy: God is not always convenient, and when He's present, He's hard to miss.

• Charcoal-grilled food tastes so much better than gas or propane-grilled food.  It's that simple.  While grilling with charcoal takes more effort and is much more interactive, the flavour is in a whole other category. Analogy: do we need one?

As I think about the activity of God in my life, I'm glad I follow a slightly unpredictable, interactive God over whom I have little control, but who produces an incredible work in me when I cooperate with Him.

Self-Feeders

Question - who is responsible for your spiritual growth?

One of the thing that breaks my heart in our self-serve culture is the observation that many North American Jesus-followers expect someone else to grow them spiritually.  The number one question I hear church goers ask is "what's in it for me?"  Should that be the #1 question?  Don't we have a responsibility as Christians to become self-feeders, people who realize that we have a personal role in growing our relationship with Jesus?  Is our mission not other-centered rather than self-centered?

Is it actually true that, primarily, my spiritual growth is not your responsibility?  To use an analogy, isn't that like saying that my spiritual growth your responsibility like saying it's the gym's responsibility to help me lose weight and get in shape? I can join a gym, hire a trainer, but if I don't actually show up, or if I choose not to exercise or go at it with half a heart, or work out like crazy and then go for burgers, fries and milkshakes, whose fault is it if I gain 20 lbs?  Is our job as a Christian community to provide the conditions for spiritual growth, but trust people to take the initiative to feed themselves spiritual, both individually and in community? 

What I love about church is that we have people to encourage us, environments (like Sundays and community groups) to provide the stimulus to growth.  All of that is fantastic.  But I get this sinking feeling that many Jesus-followers in this generation haven't taken personal responsibility for the state of their relationship with God.

So tell me, am I crazy?  Am I wrong on this?  What do you do in your life that helps you grow in relationship with Jesus?  What barriers do you face in the way to growing your faith personally every day? 

Is it Compelling?

These signs just keep grabbing my attention as I bike through the countryside near my home. 

Soybeans...watch it grow.  Seriously?

Not only is the grammar off (isn't soybeans plural?), but I couldn't actually imagine how boring my life would have to be to think that sitting by the side of the road watching soybeans grow would be compelling. 

Sadly, I wonder if that's sometimes what the people who don't attend our churches think of our church as they drive by.  How boring would my life have to be to actually go to church?  Is there anything compelling that would grab them or draw them in? 

I mean what do we put on our signs? Everyone welcome.  That's gripping.

Or for a lot of contemporary church leaders, we like the convey the fact that we're cool.  But can't you get cool just about anywhere these days?  I mean it's good we're not complete nerds, but is that honestly what people are looking for?

This sign made me think about what would cause people to drop everything to get in on what's going on in our communities.

All I could think of was this:  love.  Love fully expressed in Jesus.  Grace, forgiveness, healing, authentic relationship.  People are dying for love.  You can't put love on a sign, but you can live it.  Express it.

What if people who came in any form of contact with Christians completely felt loved?  What would happen?  What if we went way beyond the walls of our facilities and loved radically?

It would certainly be more compelling that watching soybeans grow.  Or knowing people are welcome. Or that we're cool.

Love.  What do you think would cause people to come running to get in on what God is doing?

Should I Get a Motorcycle?

Having two sons means I am being urged on a daily basis to be cooler than I was yesterday. So in a move no parent should make, as we were driving to Barrie Sunday I asked both my boys whether I should get a motorcyle and whether we could it sell it to their mom as an environmentally conscious/money saving move.  (Please do not try this at home).

We had a lot of fun with that idea.  We agreed it should be a speed bike, like a Ninja 500, not a hog. We were pretty pumped about the "this will save a pile of money" and "imagine the carbon footprint" angle we dreamed up in our head. This wasn't really our motivation, but it sounded so good.

Then came dinner and I broached the subject.  My gracious bride, who is used to living with three men, didn't completely choke on her food.  We imagined how long it would take before I was in a serious accident (probably not long) but persisted as we thought about how much money we would save.

Then we did the math.  The Ninja would get 20 mpg more than my car...I could drive it every day for six months of the year (it does snow here)....We pulled out the calculators at the dinner table.  And then we discovered that the Ninja would pay for itself by the gas it saved if I drove it every day for...are you ready....55 years.  We double checked the math.  Yep. 55 years. 

I would have to drive the stupid thing till I was well over 90 to make it pay for itself.

Stupid idea.  Stupid logic. 

Next time, I have to do the math before I raise the subject.  Darn it. 

Why Do I Feel Energized These Days?

I noticed something weird last week. As I thought about it, I realized it had been happening for a while.  Yesterday confirmed it again.

Over the last few months, Sundays have energized me.  They leave me with more energy, more joy, more enthusiasm than I had when I got there early in the morning.  Now that may sound weird to the non preachers reading this post, because after all, that's what worship is supposed to do, right?

But the truth is, for years prior to this (okay, maybe a decade), Sundays left me drained and rather anti-social.  I would get home exhausted and burned out.  I would sleep on the couch and generally retreat.  It would often last two days.  Even though I would go to work the next day, my knuckles would drag. And I know from talking to many preachers over the years that I'm not alone.  I thought it came with the territory, and I eventually ended up justifying some of it as biblical. 

So I started to wonder, why am I driving home with a smile on my face these days?  Why did I love not only preaching two services, but then going to a park and serving our volunteers for three hours yesterday? I even have to get up way earlier to do this! It's not like the first seven months of Connexus were a cake walk.  Far from it. What kind of energy and joy is this that is emerging?  Where is it coming from?  The truth is, I really don't know, but I'm grateful for it.  Here are some tentative reasons:

• We are actually impacting the unchurched at a deeper level than before.  I have had more conversations with people who have no church background in the last six months than in the previous five years combined.
• Our volunteers and leadership team are aligned at a better level than before, really wanting to do this kind of ministry.  We spend almost no time justifying the kind of ministry we're doing and almost all our time trying to figure out how to do it better.
• Our ministry is more focused than ever before.  The few environments we run are designed to facilitate our mission.  That means our time and resources are focused on a goal we find worth pursuing.
• People are giving with their lives and resources at a deeper level than ever before.  And having hundreds of people using their gifts in tight alignment with a common mission and strategy is incredibly empowering.  I honestly an amazed every week to see people serve hard and long with huge smiles on their faces.

I guess I'm deeply grateful to the people who are making this journey to become Connexus.  You energize me.  And I'm grateful to God for the opportunity to roll up our sleeves and dig deep into what I pray will be a long, dramatic run into the lives of the 85% of our friends, family and neighbours who are not in a growing relationship with Jesus.

What energizes or drains you in ministry, as a staff member or volunteer?

I Wish I Played Team Sports

So my parents tell me I quit just about every sport they enrolled me in.  I guess I was a six year old in serious need of character development. Shoulda stuck with it.

Despite my secret desire as a young dad to keep my kids out of sports, my ever-sensible and sporty bride prevailed. So tonight a whole bunch of us head off to watch Sam (#34, click the photo to enlarge it) and his friends play football.  I like the winning part - they are 2-0.  Last week, we named the team "Orange Crush" in honour of their style of play.  I like that too.

But what I love most about my guys playing sports is the life-lessons they've learned.  Here are some things I wished I learned from sports when I was a kid:

• Helping matters as much as leading.  In hockey, another Nieuwhof house-hold fave sport, assists are worth as much as goals.
• Play your Position: everyone doing their part makes a far better effort than a couple of all-stars trying to do it all themselves.
• Follow the Play-book.  Strategy matters, and pre-thinking plays helps everyone win.
• Everything is Interrelated.  What you eat and how you rest affects game time.
• Listen to the Coach. You grow wiser by following an experienced lead.
• Discipline is your friend.  Disciplined players are always better players.  Self-discipline is one of the hardest arts adults have to master.
  

What did you learn from playing sports as a kid.  Or, like me, what did you wish you'd learned?

Praying Like I'm Grown Up

As I get further along in this journey with Jesus, more and more I want to learn how to pray like a grown up.  What do I mean by this?  I mean I want to learn to pray about things matter to God, not just to me. 

It's like what happens when a child grows up.  Our toddler years are spent demanding our way and and wanting what we want - even hitting, grabbing and biting to get it.  Even polite toddlers have a hard time thinking beyond themselves daily to care for the needs of others.  There's a lot of toddler in the church today if you monitor the prayers and behaviour of Christians.  Why do we always want God to do what we want?

Hopefully as child matures, he or she begins to care about others - family, friends, neighbours, the world.  Life stops being about "me" and "mine."  Do Christians really get that?  Not sure.

I think Jesus was powerful in prayer because he used prayer and scripture to access the mind and heart of God, and to pray for the wisdom to align His life with that mind and heart.  We are at our best when we do the same, and at our worst when we use prayer and scripture to get God to do and say what we want.  We talk about becoming spiritually mature, but maybe part of growing up means that we choose to change to a new way of praying.

I love your prayers on the blog this week.  As we head into the weekend, what if we shifted our prayer to align our prayer more and more with the heart and mind of God as we understand it through the Bible?  What if we prayed that our lives would spill over with love?  What if we prayed for God to use us to extend His love to others?  What if we prayed for our actions to be Christ-focused and others-centered?  What if?

What would need to change for you to begin to pray differently?

Can You Just Pray for Love?

I am totally grateful for your replies so far on If I Could Only Pray About One Thing. Some great things, and I'm delighted to see so many "big" prayers.  That's cool.

I think my one prayer might be very simple: Lord, fill me with love. 

Sometimes I think if I could love, I'd do so much better at everything:

• Would love force me to lay down my selfishness?
• Would love help me see the good in others more clearly?
• Would love help me set healthy boundaries?
• Would love make me more generous?
• Would love help me control my personal actions?
• Does love unlock the fruits of the Spirit?  (Compare Galatians 5: 16-25 with 1 Corinthians 13.)

Here's my question: if you prayed for Christ's love to fill you completely, what other request would that not "cover" or put into perspective?

Really curious.  Haven't tested this before.  I'd love to think this one through with you.  Is a prayer to be filled with Christ's love really the 'ultimate' prayer?