How to Be Less Selfish

I've blogged recently about margin, but want to expand that thought.

Margin is all about making space in your life.  It's overcoming the hyper-busy, hyper-extended life that I naturally drift (as do so many of us).  It's about doing less for more, creating margin in our time, our finances and much more.  Andy Stanley is like a dog on a bone about margin, and last week he let something slip in passing that stuck with me because it resonated so deeply.

This is what he said:  "I am at my most selfish when I have the least margin, and I am at my most generous when I have the most margin in my life."  Bingo.  That nailed it for me.

Connexus has been programmed around margin. We just don't do much except Sunday worship, groups, and great family ministry.  I love leading that church.  I have more time for relationships.  More time to interact with lots of people who don't go to church.  Just more time. Period.

Last night I was hanging around the house with NOTHING on the agenda.  A Connexus staffer dropped by with her kids, and we chatted in the back yard for about an hour watching the kids bounce on the trampoline.  She's been on our team for almost five years, and I said to her - Three years ago, I couldn't have done this.  I didn't have the margin in my life that I have now to just sit down for an hour and shoot the breeze.

Thinking back, I always wanted to be generous in previous years, but running at 600 miles an hour with my hair on fire meant every conversation was rushed, every interruption seemed like an imposition, and every demand seemed burdensome. 

The less I do, the more time I have for others, and the more effective I become at what I do.  I love being home at night (most nights now) and letting life "happen" rather than having to schedule family moments.  I am way more generous toward my family, toward my friends, toward life.

Even financially, when we have no margin, we tend to be less generous.  Margin creates the conditions for real generosity.

On April 27th and May 4th here at Connexus, my friend Rich Birch just gave a couple of great messages about margin in his dejunkification series.  Check them out.  I think they might help us all think through this stuff.

In the meantime, what do you think -- are you at your most selfish when you have the least margin? 

Comments

[jay hardwick]

some of andy's best stuff comes in passing, doesn't it? the reason is because he is actually doing what he is saying in passing, so it just comes out naturally.

great thoughts here, carey. i'm so thankful that you are at the place you are and that you are allowing the margin to exist. my tendency is to push back from margin in the name of progress or to fend off boredom. and yes, when my margin is the tightest, my selfishness skyrockets. never thought of it that way, but it's true.

thanks for sharing andy's comment, your takeaways, and your example!

[Nick Blevins]

Good thoughts. It's definitely true for me, that I am more selfish when I have less margin. I'm a project oriented person and as anybody in ministry knows, the projects are never finished but I still find myself cheating my family or people I want to serve in the name of getting those projects done. When I am in a good rhythym and I have margin, that isn't an issue because the 2 don't compete. For me to have that, margin has to be intentionally planned and I have to be held accountable to it.

[Rebekah]

Purely by accident I found myself listening to Andy's "Take it to the Limit" series (I got it through iTunes) earlier this year. Not to over-sell it, but it was a life-changing concept for me. What he had to say about creating margin in our time, our finances, and in our sexual lives just made so much sense.

So much of what Andy says makes me go "THANK you for putting words onto something I knew in my gut!" I hope that doesn't come across as all "I know everything"...but it just seems to be the truth.

It's so true that when we live on the edge (without margin) we spend our lives worrying about falling over the edge. When there is margin in life, there is space to breathe and to think of what others are going through.

I'm glad to hear how this is impacting your life in a deeply positive way, Carey. Blessings!